Thank you for joining us for this TWE TelEvent with Jane Heller:
Tips for Caregivers: From Someone Who’s Been There
Below is the Replay of the interview and Q&A with Jane Heller in conversation with TWE Radio host, Stacey Gualandi. We’ve also included links to caregiver organizations that may be of help to you.
As a long-time caregiver (and New York Times bestselling author of romantic comedies), Jane provided excellent advice and practical tips gathered from her experience, the experiences of others as well as experts featured in her Caregiver’s Survival Guide, You’d Better Not Die or I’ll Kill You.
Jane graciously agreed to answer questions we didn’t get to during the show.
To read the additional Q&A, Click HERE.
Enjoy the Replay! (Just click the button!)
WOULD YOU LIKE TO WRITE TO JANE?
Click HERE to contact her through her website
ORGANIZATIONS FOR CAREGIVERS
SaneApproach.com: Site mentioned by Jane
Caregiveraction.org
Caregiving.org
Jane Heller is terrific.
Thanks for you comment, TC. We hope you enjoyed the Caregiving TelEvent! All the best!
I unfortunately had to miss most of the seminar. Will it be posted anywhere?
Thanks
You’ll be receiving an email as soon as the replay is up. We’re working on it now. Thanks for getting in touch with us!
I am a cancer survivor. In 1998 and 48 years old, my father, 84 was diagnosed with prostate cancer and mother 77, with severe depression. A close family, my 3 brothers and I had never discussed with our parents their wishes regarding their health and well-being. As doctor and ER visits for both became more frequent, the relentless pressure and setbacks made it impossible for me to continue FT work. Eventually I resigned the job I truly loved as Activities Director in a senior retirement community. Restoring my parents to good health became my number one priority. I would come to represent the ‘silver tsunami’, helping my daughter raise my grandson while simultaneously signing on as full time caregiver and patient advocate for my parents. Listening to Jane speak so eloquently, the entire 14 years unfolded like a sad song; being thrust into the role, freaking out, keeping emotions in check. Laughter is a staple in our family and it became MY best medicine. If I was happy, mom and dad were happy. Yet I had my share of depression/anxiety/guilt and ER visits. In time I came to recognize that knowledge IS power! In exam rooms/hospital settings with my parents, I learned doctor/nurse protocol and became my parent’s voice. Latinas are expected to care for their aging parents, sibling responsibility HA!, and my brothers lived in town but were instead, ‘armchair caregivers’ and nursing homes were out of the question. Exhausted from asking for help, I did it ALL; doctor visits, labs, ER, finances, groceries, cleaning, bathing, cooking, the list is endless and my journey long and arduous. Yet, I knew God had a plan and purpose for my life and I’m eternally grateful. In 2012 my 58 year old brother passed away from undiagnosed Hep C. The week before he died, he apologized tirelessly thanking me through his tears, for caring for our parents, ’I should have helped you. We were supposed to grow old together sister’. It was heart-wrenching. We were at peace. My oldest brother 71 continues to live on Mars. Our mother 92, passed away at home on Labor Day last year, a combination of congestive heart failure, chronic kidney disease and complications from a fractured hip. She too was entering stage 4 Alzheimer’s. One month after her death, I courageously and guilt-free, passed the caregiving reigns to my youngest brother, 53. ‘I cared for our mother until the end and I’m exhausted. It’s your turn to care for dad’. With pause (he was well aware of the major changes lying ahead) he moved Pop in with him and his wife and made the renovations needed. Dad happily celebrated his 100th birthday last month! He remains in good health and is an avid ‘slow’ walker (with his walker) and enjoys chair exercises but refuses to give up his beef chorizo and flour tortillas! After 72 years of marriage he misses mom dearly yet loves living with his son, ‘I’m happy here and my son takes good care of me.’ Music to my ears! I support any decisions my brother makes regarding our father and agreed to continue taking him to doctor appointments and out for breakfast/lunch weekly.Yesterday was 6 months since my rotator cuff surgery I’d been postponing for a year to care for my mother. I’m FINALLY completing my manuscript on the ‘office visit’ I started in 2007 with book release in August. My goal moving forward is to teach caregiver workshops on ‘sibling involvement’ from diagnosis onset and the sharing of responsibilities. The ‘women’ caring for parent’s for THIS Latina stops with my generation!!! I’ve complied my own wishes on paper and my daughter is aware that she is solely responsible for her 16 year old son, not her mother, PERIOD! My only request, ‘Just place me in the home that’s laughing the loudest!’
Thank you, thank you, ‘The Women’s Eye’ for today teaching us to ‘always look for the silver lining in caregiving!’ Priceless information and dialogue coupled with Jane’s wit, I’m heading to my independent bookstore to purchase ‘Better Not Die or I’ll Kill You!’ Huggz to Jane, Stacey and C(S)heryl!